For the past 25 years or more, I’ve attended Meeting on a Sunday if I could. Even in my twenties, I would get up and go to worship no matter how late I had been up the night before. It’s ironic that now, after raising kids and losing the ability to sleep past 9 am, I wake up every Sunday morning feeling that I can’t go to Meeting for worship. It’s been almost five months since I did feel drawn to go to worship at my meeting.
I carefully avoid thinking about next Sunday and the Sunday after that. I hope that I will be able to go to my meeting as soon as we get past Easter. For Easter, though, I already know I’ll go to North Seattle Friends Church so I can get a joyful celebration.
The missing joy factor is one of the reasons I am finding it hard to go to Salmon Bay, my liberal Quaker Meeting. I’m so hungry for joy these days, and we seem so hung up on the problems of the world, and seem to conceive of God mostly as a personal problemsolver or some sort of life coach who helps us with our attitude. I long to be with people who trust that God is working all things together for good, yes, that God works even after earthquakes and wars and heals people and transforms our hearts! I long to celebrate that even in the deepest, darkest places, God brings hope of better things to come. Perhaps God is precisely in those places of pain and suffering, working to bring new life and strength and joy!
Imagine that…
For a while, I did bring that kind of ministry to Meeting, myself. Working as a hospital chaplain, surrounded by crisis and death, has made me more convinced than ever that God is present. God is healing, mending, easing burdens, and promising laughter, joy and bliss.
So I spoke about hope, joy and trust in Meeting because my heart and soul were full. Sometimes I spoke in worship about the joy I experienced as I learn to turn things over to God, sometimes in business meeting about my trust in God’s guidance in our discernment. For a few Friends, this talk about trust and joy seemed to be tremendously provocative. Remember the bumpersticker, “If you aren’t outraged, you aren’t paying attention?” The pushback I got was so vehement and sustained, even if it was just from a few individuals, that I ultimately stopped going to worship at my Meeting.
I don’t feel like a victim. I can ensure that a pushback discussion is respectful, and I feel comfortable describing the experiences from which my joy and trust arise. But I don’t want to. That’s not what Meeting is for. There’s a strong feeling of “Blah” when I imagine myself going to Meeting. So, for now, I’m not going to Meeting. One of these Sundays I will probably wake up feeling that I can go back to Meeting for Worship. Probably not because anything has changed, but because my heart is hungry for sitting in expectant waiting and God will tell me it’s time to go back.
Query for further reflection:
What role does joy play in worship? What does Meeting for Worship mean to you?
15 comments
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March 28, 2010 at 10:57 am
Mars
Hey, I’m glad you don’t really want to go to Meeting, because than my sister and I don’t have to go! But, I don’t want you to feel bad…
. Have a nice day!
March 28, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Susanne Kromberg
Thanks for your sympathy, daughter. I think.
Mamma
March 28, 2010 at 7:29 pm
SR Dryja
Wonderfully honest, Susanne, as I have always known you and loved you for being.
I understand this post on a deep level based on personal experiences from Seattle U as well as more recent ones with members of my community.
Thank you for your honesty and for writing about your journey.
- Sherry
March 29, 2010 at 4:58 am
Ashley W
For Easter, though, I already know I’ll go to North Seattle Friends Church so I can get a joyful celebration.
I hope to see you there!
March 29, 2010 at 5:46 am
Susanne Kromberg
Let’s celebrate together!
March 29, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Bill Samuel
I can relate to your post. A number of months after I started attending Cedar Ridge Community Church, I returned one Sunday to my former Friends Meeting. I found the mood there drastically different from Cedar Ridge. The joy I find at Cedar Ridge seemed largely absent. Friends seemed weighed down by concerns for the world. Now Cedar Ridge is focused on the Kingdom of God here and now, so it isn’t that folks there are oblivious of the kind of problems the Friends were so burdened by.
My supposition is that a key factor here is faith in Jesus Christ. At Cedar Ridge, people have hope no matter what the problems are because of their faith. At the Friends Meeting, many don’t know what to think about Jesus. Without Christ at the center of their lives, they don’t have a firm source for hope. They don’t understand that He Is Risen and has won the victory.
March 29, 2010 at 5:49 pm
Susanne Kromberg
Bill,
I think a deep grounding in the reality of the risen Christ can be an incredible source of joy. But I don’t think being a Christian is the only way a person can feel joy despite difficult circumstances, and being a Christian by no means guarantees happiness!
I wonder whether another component is control? I know one of the sources of joy I feel is the freedom of not trying to control my circumstances and the outcome. It is fabulously freeing to leave those things to God, knowing everything is in the very best hands! And then all I neeed to do is focus on being faithful, which is easy by comparison. Ah, bliss!
Susanne
March 30, 2010 at 1:02 am
Johan
OMG, you’re back!!! I’m so happy/joyful. (((hugs))). Funny, my own last post was on emotions.
March 30, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Caroline
I know what you mean,Susanne. I am at a time in life when I am ready to be joyful/ready to be grateful/ready to focus on what is good in life. I have always felt that God(dess) must be kind of irritated that we don’t pay more attention to all of the beauty of the world (even when there is much pain and suffering). I’m wondering if we paid more attention to that which is Good, if the answers might come more easily for the hard stuff. thank you for speaking my mind! caroline
March 31, 2010 at 2:22 am
Susan Jeffers
Thanks for your reflections, Susanne –
you wrote “that’s not what Meeting is for.”
I’ve just been working on some adult religious ed lessons for Barclay Press, and my assigned texts include Isaiah 40-44… I’ve been sitting with Is 40:31, But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (KJV – the NIV text we use in the lessons says “those who hope in the Lord…”)
It’s taken me back to my oft-repeated insight that one of God’s purposes for liberal Quakerism — it seems to me — is to introduce people of widely varying “theologies” to “waiting worship.” And to the practice of “waiting on the Lord” individually and corporately, whether we call the practice by that name or not.
I guess I’m coming up on 20 years with Friends, and only recently seem to be developing something of a sense of humor about us. Whence cometh joy…. at least sometimes…
I have a hard time separating my choices of where to worship from the consumer driven culture we inhabit — shopping where they sell what I like to buy, in an ambiance I find congenial. Trying to re-center my sense of what my faith community is “for” — waiting on the Lord, however named — helps me.
Sometimes in unprogrammed meeting for worship I find myself sitting there, crying out inside, O Lord, if you really have gathered us here, if you really do walk among us and speak to us directly and guide our lives — O Lord please open our minds and hearts to your truth, prompt us to speak in your Spirit, guide us in your light, show us where we’ve gone astray, help us – help us -help us….
And then sometimes the answer I get is a grumbly little God-voice muttering, buncha ingrates! sit up and smile! look at this beautiful world and here you sit with one another whom you love and cherish! etc etc
anyway… thanks!! and thanks to Su Penn for pointing her facebook friends here
April 1, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Kay
“At the Friends Meeting, many don’t know what to think about Jesus. Without Christ at the center of their lives, they don’t have a firm source for hope.”
I’ve been attending a liberal Quaker Meeting for a while now. Everyone there is very Christian in their language and upbringing. I’m coming from a Neopagan and Buddhist background, and I’m the one who raised the point that we need to talk about what we actually believe, listen to one another, and be really clear about the need to work on our understanding of corporate worship as waiting on God rather than private, personal prayer time. I’m the one who’s getting them talking about joy and ecstasy and having trust in God or the Divine or however you want to call it. I’m the one telling them that Quakers don’t have to die out, that going back to their roots and looking at how different Quakers understood God and Christ differently and argued but still labored together in Love, and how they opened themselves so that way could open gave them the strength to live joyfully. Funny enough, I’ve read the Bible more than most of them, and read books on the historical context of the early scriptures and church than them, even though they’re the ones who think of themselves as Christians. Jesus isn’t at the center of my life, but he’s one of the important figures in it, and my understanding of him seems to be quite different from theirs.
Seems to me that it’s good to be aware of and outraged at the world. But if you’re not letting Spirit in, you’re not feeding your soul, and that’s like just running a battery right down. It’s recognizing our connection with the Divine and opening ourselves to it that brings us joy. If your Meeting’s that hostile to opening to the Light, it means they are scared people, maybe too scared to let themselves feel and let themselves be given the power to cope in healthy ways. Christ-centered or not, that’s a serious problem.
April 3, 2010 at 4:49 am
Roger Dreisbach-Williams
“Friends know that the world is in God’s hands, we’re just afraid that He’s going to drop it” – John H. McCandless (1970′s)
“I would rather be a jolly St. Francis, singing my canticles to the sun,
than a sober-sided Quaker whose life was a spiritual persimmon” – Thomas Kelly (1930′s)
Thee has been truthful and we have been blessed. May NSFC feed thy need for Glory! this First Day (called Easter).
… and may thee be strengthened in thy witness to Friends at Salmon Bay. They need thy steadfastness, and the peace/glory of living in Christ. Some will find it troubling. They need to be troubled… about their reliance on a false god of good intentions and joyless earnestness.
i was at an ecumenical gathering recently where we were asked to write down what our faith tradition had to give to others and what other faith traditions had to give to us. In the first category I put “the gathered presence of God; and spiritual freedom” in the second I put (in big letters) JOY! [I should have added Hope]
“Peace is my parting gift to you, my own peace, such as the world cannot give. Set your troubled hearts at rest, and banish your fears.” (John 14.27 [REB]) A good Friends meeting provides those who participate this peace.
July 28, 2010 at 7:04 am
hugen
To Susanne Kromberg!
My name is Enok Kippersund and I live in Norway, a small country in Northern Europe
. I am 74 years of age and a family man. For some time I have had a religious reawakening (maturing), and I have tried to find out about the quakers, amongst different movements. I am fascinated by what I can find to read, and also in a strong way feel attracted to the basic sentences for the quakers. When I see the comments you receive at your “Blah”-outburst, I wonder: Is this a way to find out about a religious experience, and will situations like this happen rather often within your community?
I hope this does not offend you and I will be very thankful to recieve your musing or answer.
This is my e-mail adress: enok@kippersund.no
This is my homepage: http://www.hugen.no (“hugen” means “mind”)
friendly regards
Enok Kippersund
August 6, 2010 at 7:41 pm
Susanne Kromberg
Hei Enok,
Hyggelig aa hoere fra deg. Jeg er glad for aa hoere at du er interessert i Kvekersamfunnet, og du vet kanskje allerede at det er en stor og aktiv gruppe i Norge. Hvis du kunne fortelle hvor i landet du befinner deg, saa kan jeg gi deg navn paa kvekere du kunne ha glede av aa kontakte.
Naar det gjelder spoersmaalene dine, saa er jeg ikke sikker paa at jeg forsto helt. Kan du si litt mer, saa jeg kan vaere sikker paa at jeg gir deg et ordentlig svar.
Jeg boer kanskje skynde meg aa si at dette er en helt personlig blogg mest ment til internt forbruk blant kvekere. Innlegget over, samt kommentarene, er ikke akkurat god reklame for kvekersamfunnet, men jeg haaper at de som leser er voksne nok til aa forstaa at alle til tider vil foele en viss utilfredshet med trossamfunnet de tilhoerer. Den perfekte kirke har aldri eksistert og kommer heller aldri til aa eksistere. Kvekersamfunnet har styrker og svakheter. Jeg syns dessuten at folk som maatte vaere alvorlig interessert ogsaa boer hoere om svakhetene i et trossamfunn eller trossystem.
Jeg ser fram til a fortsette samtalen!
October 12, 2011 at 1:16 am
The missing joy factor is one of the reasons I am finding it hard to go to… [my] Quaker Meeting. I’m so hungry for joy these days, and we seem so hung up on the problems of the world, and seem to conceive of God mostly as a personal problemsolver
[...] things to come. Mar 30th, 2010 by Martin Kelley. // nRelate.domain = "www.quakerranter.org"; //Susanne’s Musings: Hung up on the problems of the world? /**/ Share this:EmailFacebookPosted in: misc. Tagged: blah · joy · politics · [...]