I want to celebrate a funny incident with you, dear reader.
A friend of mine, S, asked yesterday whether I could help her figure out the story behind Muslim youth rioting in Denmark after a newspaper there reprinted an old cartoon illustration of the Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him). I explained it as best I could and later told my husband about the conversation I’d had with S. As I was telling him about it, I realized that her questions would have elicited something other than my matter-of-fact response not too many years ago.
Friends, I realized at that moment that I had reached a milestone in my life in the USA - I have found freedom from the pain I used to experience when I listened for and expected Americans to reveal bias. In the past, I would probably have been offended that S asked me about Denmark, when I am mostly Norwegian. It would have fit the pattern of Americans not knowing the difference between the three Scandinavian countries and failing to remember which one I am from once they knew me. Or thinking that the three countries are so similar that whatever is true of one country is also true of the two others.
One of the ugly fights my husband and I had early on in our relationship was over the question, “Is Finland part of Scandinavia?” This may sound hilariously trivial to you, but it wasn’t to me. What was at stake was the power to define and name. Who defines what Scandinavia is or isn’t, someone from Scandinavia or someone from the USA? Scandinavians and Finns do not consider Finland to be part of Scandinavia, and my position was and is that he as an American ought to defer to me on this. This was at a time when I experienced discrimination against foreigners as very painful and demeaning. For me, the right for myself as a Scandinavian to define Scandinavia was close to being a life-or-death issue.
And now, my husband and I tell the story of our first big fight as one of the funny stories about our relationship. And S can ask this Norwegian about Denmark without me taking offense.
The truth is that as a Norwegian I do know more about Denmark than most Americans, and S knows that. And S knows perfectly well that I am Norwegian, not Danish.
I don’t hear anywhere near as much prejudice as I used to, and I humbly confess that much of the difference is in me, not in what people say. When I was sensitized to prejudice, I heard a lot of it. Each time I heal a little more, I hear a little less prejudice and am wounded just a little less even when I do. And so I find myself a little more able to forgive when someone does make a discriminatory statement. It is also clear to me that, as I heal and find the ability to forgive, it is because of God’s grace, not my own accomplishment. I know experientially that, left to our own devices, there probably wouldn’t be a whole lot of forgiving going on in this world.
At the same time, it is still true that many Americans seem remarkably unknowledgeable of the world when you consider how much power this country wields in that same world. Another factor is that during the run-up to war and during election season, this Norwegian suffers through daily doses of media communication to the effect that the USA is the best country in the world, is the most free, the most democratic, has the best constitution, the best education system, and has sacrificed the most for the rest of the world, is the best country for women to live in, etc. The funny thing is, many Americans – including some of those close to me or in my community - also seem to feel perfectly free to tell me about an aspect of American life that they consider superior, knowing full well that I am not American. Since my experience is that Americans in most other respects are among the most socially graceful people I know, I can only presume that they are unaware that to citizens of other countries, almost all of whom DO love and miss our home culture, history, family, and traditions (whether we miss the socio-economic and political structures or not varies widely), those statements can be insulting – and we are exposed to them through one aspect or another daily.
In the spirit of “It’s an ill wind that blows nobody any good”, I think internal US criticism of the war in Iraq has helped my wounds to heal. It is a paradox for me to lament the war and yet see that others’ resistance to the war gives me relief. As I heal, I am aware that I can’t neglect the suffering of others, even though my healing is not the cause of their suffering.
So I celebrate my new freedom, recognizing that part of it has to do with actually being subjected to fewer discriminating statements, and part of it is that God’s grace works to release me from the pain I might so easily experience. In the same way that I have freely received God’s spirit, I become responsible for doing what I can to bring God’s spirit to others who suffer. God’s Spirit makes me one with them.
Query for prayerful consideration:
How does pain I experience in my life affect what I hear? Are there signs of improvement externally in areas of pain for me? Are there any paradoxes in that situation – is new suffering arising as one group’s situation improves? What implications does any of this have for me as I consider injustices in the world, in the Religious Society of Friends, and lowering the barriers that currently exist?
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February 19, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Susanne Kromberg
On the cartoons…. I think the battle is highly symbolic. Editors think their freedom of speech is under attack, Muslims who feel alienated from Danish society see the cartoons as symbolic of their alienation. So it taps into some pretty deep stuff. Personally I fault the editors most of all. As Paul said (was it in Corinthians?) all is permitted, but not everything is beneficial. Would it not be possible for the editors to say, “Freedom of speech would allow us to print these cartoons, but it doesn’t serve the greater good of healing relations that are strained, so let’s just freely CHOOSE not to do it”? Also, I think the editors are pretty secular men (yes, I believe the editors in question are all male) who don’t understand either Christianity or Islam very well (we’re talking about Scandinavia, where about 4% of the (predominantly state church) Christian population attends church regularly), and they don’t understand Islam’s prohibition against images of living beings, especially the Prophet. Again, they have the choice between saying “I don’t understand this, so I’d better tread carefully” or “I don’t understand this, but none of this religion stuff makes sense to me anyway, so my lack of understanding needn’t stop me.” Sigh. And the final piece of the puzzle is that Denmark and other Western European countries, after World War II, have prohibitions against anti-semitic images and symbols, and Muslims wonder (rightfully so), how come Jewish religious beliefs are so well protected and Muslims’ aren’t?
February 20, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Johan
Thank you for all the care and tenderness with which you lay out these difficult dilemmas.
The concept of a truly Scandinavian core of countries is also interesting. Norway, Sweden, and Denmark were all under one crown for a while; and of course Denmark and Sweden each took turns “owning” Norway. Sweden also “owned” Finland for centuries.
What a complicated species we belong to!
February 21, 2008 at 9:36 am
Susanne Kromberg
Johan,
In many ways there’s a love-hate relationship between the three Scandinavian countries. When we’re “home” , there’s quite a bit of rivalry. In Norway, we usually say when we head off to an international sports event, “We don’t compete in order to win, just to beat the Swedes!” But we tend to stick up for each other when we’re out there in the world. In sports terms again, if Norway isn’t in or has been knocked out of the competition, we’ll cheer for the Swedes with all the passion we normally reserve for “our” Norwegian teams.
When Finland is part of the picture, we speak of it as the “Nordic” countries, and that also includes Iceland, and the five countries’ “territories”. I’d say there’s less strong emotional connection now, but a number of men and women in my grandparent’s generation went off to fight in the Winter War to help Finland gain freedom from the Soviet Union in 1939. But then Norway’s allegiance switched to the Soviet Union again when Finland declared “shared cause” with Nazi Germany against the Soviet Union (because they saw it as a way to get their freedom, not because they supported Nazi ideology) and after the Soviet Union liberated northern Norway from Nazi occupation AND withdrew. (Norway was the only country liberated by the Soviet Union from which the Soviet Army also retreated! I haven’t read this anywhere, but I had this sudden insight while in the Occupation Museum in Riga, Latvia, that the only reason Norway retained its freedom in 1945 is that Britain and the USA “gave” the Soviet Union “permission” to keep control of the Baltic Countries in return for Norway’s “freedom” to align with the USA/Britain in NATO. So the Baltic countries paid the price for Norway’s freedom… Sigh.
You said “complicated species”, and I say “amen”, and I would add “Lord, have mercy!” Is it possible to be alive and not have somebody else’s blood on our hands?
And then God calls us to accept that we are loved and already forgiven, to be brothers and sister and to bear one another’s burdens. Halleluyah!
No wonder Jesus asked us to set “an eye for an eye” aside and to love one another instead, because it would be so utterly impossible to keep track of everyone’s grievances and do justice to everyone with the complexity of it all! If we don’t all want to end up blind and toothless, we have no option but to seek to forgive, just as we ourselves hope to be forgiven.
February 22, 2008 at 9:24 am
Allison
I forgot to tell you that probably one the nicest boyfriends I ever had was Scandinavian from Sweden. I visited there once. For awhile I was a little obsessed with Scandinavia because in school as a Family Studies major we would often talk about their progressive family-friendly policies. We met while studying abroad in Korea, and alas, I was very young and silly back then, even more so than now, so that relationship is over although we keep in touch. I don’t recommend cross-continental relationships for 21 year olds.